There's something special about being home. I love being home. I love being known and knowing my surroundings. There is something so satisfying about knowing one's way around town and running into people that you know. That is probably what I miss the most when I am gone. The being known. Not having the pressure to put my best foot forward, to have to explain my past, to explain who I am. You know what people expect from you and there are a lot less awkward moments trying to figure out people's motives. Truth is that it really cuts out a lot of the needless small talk and allows you to get right to the meat of a conversation, to make or strengthen those connections.
Having said all of that, people frequently ask me why I didn't stick around and what brought me to the Midwest (honestly I think this will be the single question that I will ever be asked the most). I have answered that question in a lot of different ways. I often give people the short version - I found a job here and I like it. Others get a bit of a longer answer - I wanted to stay close to friends and family that I probably wouldn't see again soon and I found a job here. But the truth is, it just simply felt right.
I've known in my heart that it was where God was leading me but I don't think I understood until just a couple of days ago. God brought me out of the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest because he wanted me to not only grow but to flourish.
God has blessed me with a loving family, a wonderful education, and a supportive church back home. He has been there to shape me into the young woman that went on to college to forge a new trail. He brought me to the Midwest because he knew that's where I needed to go to grow next.
When I come home, I sense it. I revert back to how things were and who I was when I lived here. It is hard for me to continue the good habits that I have more recently taken on. I act like a teenager (my sister always teases that she's going to record me and then show my students how I really act). I love my home but there is also something constraining about it. Being home can feel stagnant. It is part of my past and I am on to my present and future.
Things are just different in South Dakota. I'm my own person. I make my own agenda. Things don't happen unless I do them (like the dishes, laundry, garbage, cleaning, and bills) and strangely enough, that is empowering. I lean oh so heavily upon the Lord when things don't go well (I wreck my phone, I lose my credit card, I lock my keys in the car, I get a nasty email), and I praise him all the more when things do go well (I connect with a student, I become comfortable with my surroundings, I accomplish a task I've never done before).
My previous blog posts plainly illustrate that growth. Out here I feel exposed but in a good sort of a way. I'm like a butterfly learning that it can now soar. I fall sometimes but what makes me succeed is dusting myself off and getting back up again. At every twist and turn I fear that I will fail, that I will fall and never get up, but I know that my strong foundation will be there to show me the next step.
I am very anxiously, excitedly, and nervously waiting for my second year in SD. I honestly greatly miss my kids and wish school was in full swing again. I look forward to the experiences that await me, to the areas of new growth. I look forward to having a new crew of students and teaching them about science, about life, and about sarcasm. I will miss the seniors that have graduated and moved on to bigger and better things (they better swing by and visit or I'll hunt them down). And I will look forward to not being a first year teacher because as great as that year was, it was very very hard.
But when I go on to this second year, I will remember my family, remember my past, and remember that they love me and are always there for me. And of course, I will miss them terribly and look forward to my next visit.
