That Christmas Time Feeling

There it's something magical about the Christmas season. I think that part of it has to do with the unity that you see. It seems like everyone, regardless of their beliefs, puts up some sort of decorations even if it is just a string of yellow lights. Everyone is in a good mood. People become more patient and giving. The poor are looked after.  Families come together. Old hurts are forgotten. It just seems like everyone and everything is in harmony.

I've loved but also have disliked this season for those reasons. The reason why it can sometimes rub me the wrong way is because it all seems like a false front. We've all decided to close a door on how things really are, decorate it all nice and pretty, and just ignore it until sometime around mid January.  The sentiment all seems so fake that sometimes it just makes me want to scream. Stop pretending! Or if you really do want to turn over a new leaf then sick with it for more that a month and a half.

Thinking these things over during this time of year I realize how quickly I can become quite cynical (Ba-humbug!). Trying to think these things over in a new light I've been led to a new realization.  What if this time of year, all this unity and cheerfulness, what if this is God's Christmas gift to us? I wonder if He is granting is just a glimpse of what heaven will look like. He is using this very special time of year to help us look back at the birth of Christ but to also look forward to our time in heaven and all the glories that await us there.

The unity that we see at this time of year is but a taste of what we will experience in eternity. The joy, the forgiveness, and the community will be complete and beyond our understanding. That wonderful image has given me a whole new kind of Christmas warm and fuzzy feeling. It helps remind me that we truly do have quite the wondrous life to live and mission to spread this news to others. It makes me cry out all the more with my heart,  "Come Lord Jesus, come quickly! "

Teaching with the Little Drummer Boy

At school,  some of the staff members -myself included- took part in a book study.  The book we read and discussed was called "how to teach like a pirate". I truly loved working through this book and reading my colleagues' insights on how they have used some of the teaching strategies from the book. It was an enjoyable experience and I would recommend it to anyone who teaches or hips to become a teacher.

But what really hit me was found in the last few pages of the book. The author, Dave Burgess, was sharing a personal story of how he was listening to the radio and the song "little drummer boy " came on. One of the lines really spoke to him. The line was, "I played my drum for Him...
I played my best for Him...Then He smiled at me...". The author goes on to talk about how as teachers, teaching is our drum, and how we ought to play our best.

That story really resonated with me. God gave me these gifts and a place to use them so I should teach my best every day for myself,  for my students,  and for God.

This message really spoke to me when I was especially down on myself. If compare myself to this author and to other teachers and convince myself that I didn't measure up. I unfortunately went into a phase where I stopped trying do hard. Good enough was good for me. In the back of my mind I knew I was capable of more and I was very concerned my principal would drop in on a terribly executed lesson.

The story of the drummer boy has convinced me otherwise. God knew what he was doing when he led me to teach and plopped me in South Dakota to do so. The drummer boy's story tells us that this is true for all of us and encourages us to play our best for Him (pa rum pa pa pum). So go out there with your drum and make beautiful music to our Lord.  Merry Christmas.

Waiting

Today my roommate told me she wasn't listening to music because it distracted her from the time of peace and anticipation for the birth of the newborn King. I initially thought this was odd because I've never done such a thing outside of in church meditations, and because I've always seen music as a tool to get me ready for the Christmas season. But I do also tend to use music to pass the time.

I consider myself a rather patient person (you kind of have to be when dealing with high schoolers) but I really struggle with waiting. It's t minus three and a half hours till my birthday and I've already opened the gifts that have been sent to me. I always hate travel days -especially flying- because of all the waiting around which I am powerless to change. I can't handle driving more than 2 hours without speeding every once in awhile so I can reach my destination sooner. And now we are in a season of waiting and I'm running out of things to do as the semester wraps up and I have finished the book I was reading.

I become very lazy, not prone to take on something new or being productive. Snow days are terrible when I'm caught up on both planning and grading. I know I could plan further ahead or come up with something more creative to do, but I just simply don't. I snack and watch another episode of whatever show has recently piqued my interest. It is so terrible and definitely not the way I should be spending this waiting season. So this is me trying to change that and work on being more reflective as Christmas continues to come ever closer.

The whole reason Jesus is coming, has come, is to redirect us and save us. He spent his some 30 odd years on earth trying to teach us, mentor us, and to show us his great love. One can't think of Christmas without looking ahead to Easter. This little child, this Holy Child is only the beginning.

I have a fairly good working knowledge of those events as told by the Bible. Why they occurred, and how it relates to me yet I seem to fail in my personalization of it all. I recognize and frequently see that our world is broken- so, so broken - and we are all crying out for salvation from this brokenness, get I fail to recognize my part in the brokenness. I can sometimes imagine God chastising me, reminding me that, "You too are broken Amber. Just look at the sins you have committed and how you have fallen short. You point the finger even though you are part of the problem." I too need Jesus. I too am broken, sinful, corrupt, tainted , and  unclean. I too have ungodly desires and tend to despise rather than love my neighbor (especially when they are being annoying and testing my patience.)

I am as much to blame as anyone else. I too should be preparing myself for the coming of the King. I too ought not to get swept up in the busyness, the anxieties, and the chaos that has become the Christmas season. I need to be a part of it, be part of the waiting for Christ.

That's another thing I've struggled with in relation to the Christmas season; all the glitz and glam, all the wanting, all the gift purchasing, all the greedy desires that bubble up, and the dissatisfaction in getting some random object would you either don't use or don't like. I love this season but there are parts that I hate as well.

I've never considered myself a good gift giver. I kinda hate giving people gifts. All the second guessing involved messes with my mind and my confidence. The bad reception of a few gifts are always the memories that stand out in my mind. I sometimes wonder how much Christmas would be different if instead of buying gifts that people may or may not like -much less may or may not need- and giving that money to charity would look like.

What if we came together and spend that time talking about our faith, recognizing the true reason which we are all gathered together. We can enjoy each other's company, get caught up with family and friends, then go out to purchase a family a nice Christmas meal or even invite them to our own?

Reflecting on the many Christmases I've spent with my family I cannot confidently say I felt a strong sense of us coming together to celebrate Jesus. When I was younger the focus was predictably on the gifts. We would go to church on Christmas Eve and try our hardest to patiently sit through the seemingly endless service- yet again more waiting- to race back to Grandma's and let the wrapping paper carnage begin. As I've grown older I looked forward to coming together or the social aspect to Christmas rather than the gifts (which are now usually cash since no one, myself included, knows what to get a 20 something for Christmas.)

Again I would love to see us intentionally setting aside some time, as a family, to focus on God. Sing some Christmas carols, read the story of Jesus's birth, share where we have seen Christ working in our lives, share our prayers of thanks and gratitude.

I wonder how Jesus would celebrate Christmas. Now stay with me on this one because I totally get how that statement doesn't make sense, but hear me out on this one. I imagine Jesus spending every day of this Advent season in worship. I just see him meditating on the King's coming and the pastor's sermon each week and relating it back to him and how he lives his life. I see him selflessly giving up his time and money to help at different volunteer opportunities at his town or through his church. I see him spending his Christmas bonus helping a single parents to buy coats, hats, boots, and gloves for their kiddos, all the while sharing the father's great love for them and showing them a way out of their pain and sorrow.

There truly is so much to do, preparations to make, love to spread, and a king  to serve during this time of waiting. So make the best of it!

Promises: Joshua and the Gibeonites

God always makes good on his promises. Centuries before either Moses or Joshua were alive, God promised a specific piece of land to their ancestors. We read of this promise over and over again in the first five books of the Bible.

The Bible is full of these promises from God that become fulfilled. Some have taken centuries, others just a few days  (I will delivery your enemies into your hands). There are whole chapters in the book of Joshua that lists all of the enemies which Israel conquered through that promise being fulfilled by Israel listening and obeying.

Obedience is a big part of God's promises. Had the Israelites obeyed earlier, they would have been firmly planted in the promised land. But we know what happened there.

Disobedience to God and his instructions ultimately make our lives harder. Without God's support and council we are doomed to fail even when the odds seem to be in our favor. I'm reminded of a story in Joshua chapter 9 when the Gibeonites tricked the Israelites into making a treaty with them.

The Gibeonites were afraid. Word around town and the local bar was that the Israelites were decimating all the neighboring tribes; destroying them completely so that not one person survived. And now this unstoppable power, this all powerful God and the country that followed him, had their eyes set on the Gibeonites.

So what is a tribe to do when they are staring down the fate of total destruction? Lie of course. And the real shocker is that the Israelites fall for it!

The Gibeonites come up with the grand plan of pretending to be foreigners from distant lands who came because they heard of the fame of the Israelites' God (Joshua 9: 9). And man can the Gibeonites put on a show!

In the Bible it says that "they put worn and patched sandals on their feet and wore old clothes. And all the bread of their food supply was dry and moldy" (Joshua 9: 5). They dress to fit the part and throw in a little flattery, "we have heard of your fame and just had to come meet you." It's all coming together and looking like the Israelites are going to fall for it, which they do.

The Israelites had been doing such a good job up until this little episode. They followed God's instructions and received the spoils of war; their rightful inheritance. I'm sure all of the victories fed  Israel's ego and caused it to grow. Instead of seeking God's council like they should have done, they brushed it off most likely puffing out their chests and saying "I got this."

Can't you just picture God in the background, jumping up and down, hands raised and waving, saying "wait a minute! They are deceiving you! Don't listen!"

 Israel messed up here but God has His promise to keep and according to that promise, the Gibeonites' land belong to Israel. We find the solution to this problem in verses 20 and 21.

It says there that "the Israelites let them live so that God's wrath would not fall on Israel for breaking the oath sworn to them... Let them live, but let them them be woodcutters and water carriers in the service of the whole assembly." In God's good council a decision was agreed upon and this whole messy business was taken care of.

"Great story, but what does this have to do with me?" is what I'm sure you are wondering at this point. I'm fairly certain you don't have to deal with your neighbors dressing up like foreigners to somehow trick you into doing something (although that would be quite interesting). But you do make choices every day. God must be a part of these choices because he had made promises to you.

He wants to save you. He wants to be a part of your life. He loves you!

We need to seek his council so he can show us the plans he has for us. He will show us the pitfalls along the way, the roads we shouldn't go down, and the advice we shouldn't heed. All Israel had to do was ask for God's guidance in this matter, and the same is true for us as well.

God wants to be a part of our life decisions. If we aren't sure of where to go, we ought to turn to God. And when we are sure about ourselves and what we decided, we still need to ask God. He sees what we cannot and he always has our best interests in mind.

Next time you are not sure, ask God. Next time you are sure, still ask God.

He Provides

Helplessness. If I'm being completely honest, it's probably the number one reason that I believe in God. I have that need to know that someone is taking care of the things I can't handle, because there's an unfortunate large amount. And the thing is, God not only has a on his  "to do" list but he also has it crossed off because it is already done! Now that is definitely something that I alone could not do.

God is amazing at his job. It's in his job description "I am strong when you are weak,"and he follows through. The hard part comes in truly trusting him though. We like to pridefully "macho" things out. We can handle anything that you throw at us, until we can't.

 The truth is human beings are kind of weak. We require certain temperature ranges, otherwise we perish. We need certain amount of nutrition daily, or we perish. We need to exercise our minds and bodies to have healthy organ systems or a perish. We are truly quite dependent upon a number of things to keep us alive and healthy yet we seem to think that we are all we need. This, as you can see, could not be further from the truth.

God, on the other hand, has none of our weaknesses. He truly does not need another, he can handle it. God doesn't need us, yet he loves us anyways and he wants to fill in the cracks that our weaknesses create. Yet again we complain and gripe about not only every obstacle that's in our way, but also the ones that someday could be in our way. We are the Israelites in the desert, we don't realize a good thing we have it.

Reading through the book of Exodus, I am amazed at how many times the Israelites complained about the same thing. We have no water! Boom! God turns poison water into potable water. We are thirsty! Bam! Well if you walk over here you will find some marvelous Springs with decorative  palm trees I had planned way back before there was even matter to make your mother's womb. God, where's the water?! Bang! Moses, why don't you check out that rock over there, it will help quench your thirst.

I mean how many times must God provide before the Israelites and us get the picture? God can handle it so get over yourself and your pride and let God take control of all your worries.

The Dangers Behind Going the "Safe Route"

First year of teaching is hard.  Heck, teaching in general is hard.  I know we aren't supposed to say that and pretend that we are always  on board with being a teacher and always loving it, but if we are honest, that isn't exactly true. The reason why I say that is because I've been in some rough waters.  I started out the year eager and anxious for what lay ahead.  It's my second year teaching and I expected to be easy; well easier at least.  And it was but it's still hard.  I still have classroom management problems and I still struggle with keeping my lessons relevant and engaging or even just getting them done in time so I'm not frantically making copies of a test that I need to give for the next class period.  But here's what I've learned; if you go the safe route and keep on using the same teaching strategies because you know they will work, you better prepare for some challenges coming your way.

I love my kids.  I don't get easily angered and I can be very forgiving. But, I can be horrible at disciplining them and keeping there attention.  I don't hand out a lot of detentions because I want to work through what's going on with them yet a lot of the time I lack that follow through.  So what ends up happening is that things continue to build up until I do eventually get frustrated.  When that happens, my lesson plans can suffer.  I don't have a lot of variety and I am afraid to try new methods for fear of failure and a disgruntled class to deal with. Yet that's what I need to be doing.

I've heard many times that classroom management problems can stem from- for lack of a better word- "boring" lessons. What I really need to do is get out of my comfort zone and do the crazy sort of things that high schoolers remember their teachers doing well beyond their high school years.  Now is the time to find creative ways of relaying information besides just taking notes and doing worksheets.  It's time to brainstorm and be creative and do things that I never would have seen myself doing before.  Basically it's time to put confidence in myself.  I've done it before, I've had a successful first year, but now it's time to kick it up a notch and improve from what I did last year. So there is a danger in doing what you know will work, and it's called frustration and complacency.

The more I've thought about this in my teaching life, the more I realize the applications it has to my spiritual life.  It's time for me to kick it up a notch in that area of my life as well.  I need to discipline myself and have a time when I can be still and be with God.  I need to not only read the Bible every day but also do what it says.

Do you ever get that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach while reading scripture?  That nagging feeling as a name, it's the Holy Spirit and he is calling you into action.  Time and time again, the Word of God calls us to trust him completely, that we belong to him and that we are to give all that we are and have to him.  But am I doing that?  What would that look like in my life?

I've been doing some thinking about these questions and I've come up with this: if I am truly letting Christ rule in my life, that means that my life doesn't truly belong to me but belongs to him instead to fulfill his purposes and not my own.  The dangers of living a safe devotional life, of just reading the Bible but not doing what it says can lead to the devil's victory.  The very last thing that he wants us to do is what the Bible calls us to do.  He will throw each and every excuse our way to claim our lives as our own instead of belonging to God our creator.  Fight it! And when you feel like giving up, fight again! Remember that the Lord of all creation is on your side and wants to help you, all you have to do is to let him.

So this is what I've been chewing on these last few weeks. I need to fully trust in God in all areas of my life -school included- because the truth is without knowing that I have him to fall into as my safety net, I'm not sure if I'd be able to do this on my own.

Who ARE You?

It's funny, you can ask this simple question to anyone, regardless of age, and be met with either a blank face or a questioning look. Once they are over the initial confusion of the question, they begin to describe what they do, not who they are. I admit that I have done the same thing.  I begin to explain that I am a teacher, that I love to be outside and read, that I am the daughter of Ken and Barb.

If these answers aren't what spring into mind, people begin to describe what they look like; blond hair, blue eyes, 5'9", and so on.  Physical descriptions usually don't help us much when placing a person (especially when in a Dutch area and practically everyone fits that description).

Then we go on to personality, but only scratch the surface.  He/she is kind, quiet, funny, out-going, obnoxious, helpful, caring.  But even these answers don't get down to the core of who a person is.  When you strip away all that you do, and all that people see you as, you can finally get to the heart of the matter.

Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly enough, this question was brought to my attention by one of my students.  She is interested in pursuing a career in the medical field and one day while in the hospital, an older man posed this question to her.  She answered in the fashion that I mentioned before including her name and what her school involvements were.  But the man was not looking for that kind of answer.  He gestured to the TV and said, "look at this girl playing baseball.  She's a baseball player yet that's not who she is."  My student said that she talked with this man for 30 minutes and he was never satisfied with her answers.  Frustrated that the man would not answer his own question, she made her excuses and left his room.

Why is this question so hard to answer?  I believe that we have uncovered Satan at his evil work again.  We like to cover up the true answer with our worldly possessions and accomplishments.  We begin to identify ourselves by our titles, positions, or even jersey numbers.  This is all to distract us from what I believe to be the true answer.

The true answer to this question is that we are the beloved children of God.  Whe nall else is striped away, this remains true.  Because of this truth, it is the core of my identity.  The fact that I am a child of God drives my passions and motives.  He is the reason I am a teacher.  He made my eyes blue. He made me the person I am with the dispositions I possess.

I am embarrassed to say that this answer was not what immediately sprang to my head.  And when it did get there, I felt that the answer was too "Sunday Schoolish".  But the question and answer continued to bounce around in my head until I was struck by the truth of the answer.

Then it began to deepen and challenge me.  If I am truly a child of God, and that is supposed to drive my actions, is what I'm doing actually reflecting that? I would love to answer yes, that all my actions follow this truth, but I think that you and I both know this to be a lie.

Let me be clear.  I do follow God's path for me and in that trying there is success but there are also failures.  Yet God uses both success and failure for his ultimate glory, because what ever I do or say, I am his child and he is my father.  So perhaps the real question that ought to be asked is not who but whose are you?

Being Home, Looking Back, and Looking Forward

There's something special about being home.  I love being home. I love being known and knowing my surroundings.  There is something so satisfying about knowing one's way around town and running into people that you know.  That is probably what I miss the most when I am gone.  The being known.  Not having the pressure to put my best foot forward, to have to explain my past, to explain who I am.  You know what people expect from you and there are a lot less awkward moments trying to figure out people's motives. Truth is that it really cuts out a lot of the needless small talk and allows you to get right to the meat of a conversation, to make or strengthen those connections.
Having said all of that, people frequently ask me why I didn't stick around and what brought me to the Midwest (honestly I think this will be the single question that I will ever be asked the most).  I have answered that question in a lot of different ways.  I often give people the short version - I found a job here and I like it.  Others get a bit of a longer answer - I wanted to stay close to friends and family that I probably wouldn't see again soon and I found a job here.  But the truth is, it just simply felt right.
I've known in my heart that it was where God was leading me but I don't think I understood until just a couple of days ago.  God brought me out of the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest because he wanted me to not only grow but to flourish.
God has blessed me with a loving family, a wonderful education, and a supportive church back home.  He has been there to shape me into the young woman that went on to college to forge a new trail.  He brought me to the Midwest because he knew that's where I needed to go to grow next.
When I come home, I sense it.  I revert back to how things were and who I was when I lived here.  It is hard for me to continue the good habits that I have more recently taken on.  I act like a teenager (my sister always teases that she's going to record me and then show my students how I really act).  I love my home but there is also something constraining about it.  Being home can feel stagnant. It is part of my past and I am on to my present and future.
Things are just different in South Dakota. I'm my own person.  I make my own agenda.  Things don't happen unless I do them (like the dishes, laundry, garbage, cleaning, and bills) and strangely enough, that is empowering.  I lean oh so heavily upon the Lord when things don't go well (I wreck my phone, I lose my credit card, I lock my keys in the car, I get a nasty email), and I praise him all the more when things do go well (I connect with a student, I become comfortable with my surroundings, I accomplish a task I've never done before).
My previous blog posts plainly illustrate that growth.  Out here I feel exposed but in a good sort of a way.  I'm like a butterfly learning that it can now soar.  I fall sometimes but what makes me succeed is dusting myself off and getting back up again. At every twist and turn I fear that I will fail, that I will fall and never get up, but I know that my strong foundation will be there to show me the next step.
I am very anxiously, excitedly, and nervously waiting for my second year in SD.  I honestly greatly miss my kids and wish school was in full swing again.  I look forward to the experiences that await me, to the areas of new growth.  I look forward to having a new crew of students and teaching them about science, about life, and about sarcasm.  I will miss the seniors that have graduated and moved on to bigger and better things (they better swing by and visit or I'll hunt them down).  And I will look forward to not being a first year teacher because as great as that year was, it was very very hard.
But when I go on to this second year, I will remember my family, remember my past, and remember that they love me and are always there for me.  And of course, I will miss them terribly and look forward to my next visit.

My first year in summary

Sitting here at my desk on the last real day of school, my first year has been quite a ride.  People have started to congratulate me and ask me how I feel.  I usually say that it was good, hard, but I enjoyed it. But the truth is, I am not exactly sure how I feel.  Those three words - good, hard, enjoyable - do pretty much summarize it up but they have a deeper side to them.

It has been good and enjoyable.  I love highschoolers, I truly do.  They are crazy, sarcastic, complicated, jokers, kind, and thoughtful.  I do like that I have entered into a career where I get to be around and influence these people.  It is so rewarding to find little messages in my inbox or on my desk from students, saying that they have enjoyed my class and that they have learned things about science but also about being a responsible person. I have also enjoyed the staff.  The comradery with the high school teachers and finding other people who enjoy highschoolers.  Living the single life in South Dakota has also been quite enjoyable.  Going out with friends and having true Midwestern experiences (having heart to hearts in bars, having bonfires, shooting guns, being immersed in the smell of livestock, and many more) will be moments that I remember over the decades.

There have been many times that I've laughed until I've cried this past year but I would be lying if I said that it was easy.  It was hard getting here for a few different reasons. First off, you should know if you don't already that first year teachers have next to no social life.  Spending most of my waking hours either grading, planning, making policies, emailing, making copies, and a plethora of other small tasks has been demanding.  It has also made me quick to snap at people who say teachers have it easy (a few students may have made the mistake to make similar comments in my presence).  Now I'm not trying to complain and say that I have it worst off from every other person in the world.  To say that would be selfish and untrue.  I am just acknowledging the hours that I have spent just working. It's been a lot.

The hours and the work that has gone into my first year has been hard but probably not the hardest thing although it does contribute to the overall experience.  Truth is, I've spent a good part of the last year completely outside of my comfort zone.  I am a west coast girl with a passion for biology that has found herself in the heart of the United States surrounded by corn fields, living by myself, friends and family hours away, starting fresh at a new church, and with some pretty crazy weather.  I came into this situation with such confidence that everything will fall into place, just for the sheer fact that it always has.  But that's not what happened.

I had a roommate all lined up.  That fell through.  I wanted to teach middle school or high school life sciences.  I teach the physical sciences.  I wanted to be in northwestern Iowa.  I ended up in southeastern South Dakota.  I wanted to teach at a Christian school.  My beliefs about creation didn't line up with theirs' so I ended up in a public school.  I wanted to meet a guy in college.  Still single.

I have never had to pay bills before or figure out financial things at all before.  I had never had to get insurance of any sort before. I had never had to find a place to live or people to live with.  I have never made friends outside of school before.  I had never had to pick a church before.  I had never paid for more than one tank of gas in my life.  I had never had to change my licence plates. I had never changed my driver's licence. I have never made a curriculum that has lasted for a full school year.  I have never had to explain to a student that they are failing my class and need to take action and responsibility.  I have never had to justify my teaching decisions to students, teachers, and parents.  I have now done all of these things. I have figured them out, some more easily than others, and some through tears.  I definitely didn't do it all right the first time around, but I've learned.

I go to social events and always feel uncomfortable unless I'm with college friends.  I see highschoolers and I don't know if I should act like Miss Vander Veen or just be myself.  I have been involved with the youth group and feel accepted but I'm still guarded.  I want to be involved but I still am hesitant when the opportunity arises.  I've made friends but don't feel completely myself around them yet.  I have yet to meet more than 3 people my age yet alone a guy with good Christian morals.

Living independently in a completely foreign environment has greatly impacted my faith.  There have been times where I felt so alone and uncomfortable that I had to lean on Him and trust in His judgments and path for my life.  I have been in local parks with tears in my eyes taking walks with God and having some of the most sincere conversations with Him that I've ever had. I've yelled at God, and He's shown me His glorious plan.  He's given me friends and surrounded me with such caring people.  He has also shown me glimpses of the influence that I've had in my students' and coworker's lives. Through this experience I feel as though I have a real relationship with God.  We've had our bumps down the road but they have only strengthened my faith in Him.

It has been good, it has been hard, there have been tears and questioning God's decisions for my life but overall it has been enjoyable.  If I could go back and do it all again I would. I look forward to what next school year brings but man am I glad it's summer.

Here's just some of the tests I've graded over the past semester

Highschoolers

Truth is, God does some pretty amazing stuff. Sure he created the world, is almighty, all powerful, and Lord of it ALL; but what really gets me is how he works in our lives.  We go through our lives making plans, setting dates, ordering invitations, counting guests, worrying about food quantities, hoping everyone is enjoying themselves, driving ourselves into the ground while none of our ideas go exactly as planned.  Why do we do this?

I went to school thinking I was going to be a marine biologist when I was "all grown up", but that's not what happened.  I was passionate about biology and about the ocean.  Many family members and friends can testify to the numerous hours I have spent looking into tidepools and identifying most of the living organisms inside.  I planned, I worked, I studied, and now I teach chemistry and physics to teenagers in a school surrounded by corn.  This wasn't what I pictured as a high school graduate.  This turning of the tides landed me in a place that was never on my radar and strangely enough I'm so incredibly happy that it did.

So what's this all have to do with highschoolers you might ask. To answer this question simply, it has everything to do with them.  For all the hours I have spent going to beaches and aquariums, I have spent far more with highschoolers.  Some of the most inspiring people that I know are between the ages of 15-18.  I know a girl that is so on fire for the Lord that she sings and dances like no one is watching.  I know the simple joy of a young person's first job and the frustrations that come along with that.  I know what it is like to laugh heartily with a room full of teenagers.  I have experienced all of these things because the Lord God Almighty has awakened this passion inside of me for young people.  They are so full of life, and hopes, and dreams, and passions that to be with them is both exhausting and refreshing.

There have been times of doubt even while being amongst such amazing people.  There have been hard days and even some days that have been unbearable.  There have been some frowns, tears, sweat, and fears yet God has always found a way to communicate where he wants me to be.

I just find it so amazing that there are times where God grabs you by the ear, drags you to a place you said you would never go, and gives you the most eye opening experience.  And you will find that my story is not unique.  God will often call us to go in a direction we never before had considered.  He may also bring us to places we have adamantly refused to go (I have before refused to go to the Midwest and refused to become a teacher).  He wants us to trust him so that he can bring us to where we are meant to be.  He reveals to us in these times what gifts and qualities that he has given us and how we are to use them.  To me he has given a passion and patience for the craziness that is a 16 year old.

I encourage you to follow your passions but also be prepared to do something you either aren't expecting or don't feel quite prepared to do.  You may not be planning on it, but God probably has your own version of a highschooler just around the corner.  We make plans but God's the one that makes things actually happen.

Sermon Reflection

After today's message and a conversation that I had with a youth pastor, I've been really chewing on something that I want to share and challenge other Christians with. Today's message, in keeping with the season of Lent, was about the betrayal of Judas.  I'm sure that many of us hear the words "Judas" and "betrayal" and immediately think, "I would never do that. That's not me.  I love God.  He is my all in all."  Some of those various thoughts are even lyrics to some popular Christian songs, but have you ever thought about betrayal in a different light?

Growing up in a Christian community, attending Christian schools, and a CRC church I feel surrounded by my beliefs and others who share those beliefs.  We do our duty.  We go to church.  We listen and open our hearts.  We pray.  We ask for forgiveness.  Then we leave.

These are all good things to do, but do they really sink in? Many of us blow off adult Sunday school.  Skip church or youth group for different social events.  Don't read our Bibles because we are too tired or claim not to have enough time.  We dig out a dollar bill to put in the offering when our weekly pay is much more than $10.  Aren't we betraying our beliefs (and our God) when our actions aren't matching up with what we profess to be important.

Jesus asks us to be the light to the world, to be different, and shine in the dark world.  We do this but only when it seems to be convenient or when we are supposed to (like on Sunday mornings).  I don't believe that there is a verse in the Bible that supports this. God wants to swallow our lives whole.  He wants to be a part of EVERYTHING ALL the time.

 I admit that I don't go to church services in the evening which basically means that I'm telling God that He matters in the morning on Sundays to me but the evenings are me time. I have decided to change this starting today.  Even if I have something else going on, or I'm not prepared for work tomorrow, I am going to evening service.  I'm not just going to say or sing that God matters to me but show Him and others.

So here's where the challenge comes in. I challenge you, yes you as in the person who happened to read this, to let God swallow your life whole.  DO something (as in an action with your body and not just your mouth)  that shows that God matters to you.  What ever you decide to do, commit to it.  Don't let it be something you did once or because it was during Lent.  Let this become a habit.  Something that you do because it is important to you and aligns with your beliefs.  Don't forget to pray too because the enemy has a crafty tongue and he will tell you each and every step of the way that either you can't do it, or that you don't need to.  Don't listen to him.  God loves and supports you and I believe that you can do it.

Let us live as Christians; followers of Christ by our actions and our beliefs.

Inertia

Inertia is a physics concept that basically means things keep moving in the same direction and at the same speed. On, and on, and on.  They don't stop. They don't slow down. They don't change direction. I've been feeling like my world has been doing the same thing. I think this is what normal people, meaning non-science nerds, call being stuck in a rut.
In school world we are between quarters, finishing up one with another one just getting started.  One day ends and the other begins. And so the cycle continues. Inertia.
The thing about inertia, though, is that it can be changed when acted on by a force.  This force can cause our object to slow down and eventually stop or it can change the object's direction.
I would say that the same is true for our own lives (beyond the physics and science realm that is). We can keep on keeping on; plodding along an endless trail. Or we can introduce a force and change our direction.
Perseverance is an admirable quality but I think it needs to be spiced up from time to time by doing something different. Force yourself to try something different.  Force yourself to break out of the routine.  Force yourself into a new direction.

Love thy student

This thought or reflection came to me after a conversation that I had with a colleague.  I frequently talk with other teachers about the frustrations of how students don't seem to try their hardest and how that is evident in them not turning their work in on time.  This is worn out conversation that usually ends with us shrugging our shoulders and saying something along the lines that we do the best we can do.  The conversation I had this time followed a similar path but ended at very different destination.
She reminded me of the humanity of my students. Of all the roles my students play in their lives.  Some are siblings. Others friends. All of them are sons or daughters. And a "lucky" few are in relationships. Along with these roles comes different expectations, duties, time requirements, patience, pressures, misunderstandings, mistakes, and accomplishments. Many of them have strong support nets through these relationships and roles, and others are greatly taxed by them and lack that support.
I think that it is important to remind ourselves that no one is perfect (not even close).  That even though we so desperately try to hide this humanity, it's still there and it should not be ignored. That when we push people because we think that they can take it, we also need to support them so that they will be successful.  That we shouldn't complain about another person's actions without trying to uncover the person behind those actions.
God called me to be a teacher.  He also called me to love my students.  The best way that I can love my students is to pray for them when they frustrate me.  I love them by hearing about their prom dresses and relationship woes. I love them by being a nerdy science teacher that makes them laugh and forget their hurts.  I love them most of all by showing them the science of God's creation and how He loves us.

Do you know the answer?

Today in my chemistry class we began learning about the mole.  As an introductory lesson, I gave the students a little bit of the background of why scientists use moles and what moles are (not spots on your body or furry little creatures).  To accompany the notes that they took on some of the new vocab for the chapter they worked on an activity called "Rice-o-Rama" (I found this activity from a great resource whose creators seemed determined to come up with the cheesiest names that I am sometimes embarrassed to read aloud.)
 The object of this activity was to find two different ways to determine how many grains of rice there were in the dixie cup that I gave them without counting them all out individually. Many of them got to work right away and had no problem measuring out a few grains and finding their weight and using proportions to then determine how many total grains of rice they had in their cup.
After promptly completing their measurements, one group came up with a final answer of 2,000 grains of rice. Wide eyed and confused, they immediately asked me if I knew how many grains of rice they had.  Before answering their question, an idea flashed through my head.  The thought was "does it matter if I know the answer?".  The whole purpose of the activity was to introduce this idea to them, to throw a problem their way and have them analyze and solve it.  This group's question made me reflect on the type of teacher that I want to be.  I want my students to become independent thinkers and learners yet many of them seem very much content to be a small empty jug in which I pour my knowledge into them.  This is not what I want nor what I want for my students.
I think that sometimes we get pressured into "knowing" things instead of "learning" things.  As a teacher, I for one, constantly find myself answering questions instead of guiding to the answers.  This one instance in my classroom today challenged me to do things that will make me more of a guide rather than a person that my students perceive as an "all knowing being". This is definitely something that I want to work towards yet I'm unsure of how. I feel as though I took the first step by answering that group's question by saying, "Does it matter if I know the answer?  I'm more interested in what you guys think."