My first year in summary

Sitting here at my desk on the last real day of school, my first year has been quite a ride.  People have started to congratulate me and ask me how I feel.  I usually say that it was good, hard, but I enjoyed it. But the truth is, I am not exactly sure how I feel.  Those three words - good, hard, enjoyable - do pretty much summarize it up but they have a deeper side to them.

It has been good and enjoyable.  I love highschoolers, I truly do.  They are crazy, sarcastic, complicated, jokers, kind, and thoughtful.  I do like that I have entered into a career where I get to be around and influence these people.  It is so rewarding to find little messages in my inbox or on my desk from students, saying that they have enjoyed my class and that they have learned things about science but also about being a responsible person. I have also enjoyed the staff.  The comradery with the high school teachers and finding other people who enjoy highschoolers.  Living the single life in South Dakota has also been quite enjoyable.  Going out with friends and having true Midwestern experiences (having heart to hearts in bars, having bonfires, shooting guns, being immersed in the smell of livestock, and many more) will be moments that I remember over the decades.

There have been many times that I've laughed until I've cried this past year but I would be lying if I said that it was easy.  It was hard getting here for a few different reasons. First off, you should know if you don't already that first year teachers have next to no social life.  Spending most of my waking hours either grading, planning, making policies, emailing, making copies, and a plethora of other small tasks has been demanding.  It has also made me quick to snap at people who say teachers have it easy (a few students may have made the mistake to make similar comments in my presence).  Now I'm not trying to complain and say that I have it worst off from every other person in the world.  To say that would be selfish and untrue.  I am just acknowledging the hours that I have spent just working. It's been a lot.

The hours and the work that has gone into my first year has been hard but probably not the hardest thing although it does contribute to the overall experience.  Truth is, I've spent a good part of the last year completely outside of my comfort zone.  I am a west coast girl with a passion for biology that has found herself in the heart of the United States surrounded by corn fields, living by myself, friends and family hours away, starting fresh at a new church, and with some pretty crazy weather.  I came into this situation with such confidence that everything will fall into place, just for the sheer fact that it always has.  But that's not what happened.

I had a roommate all lined up.  That fell through.  I wanted to teach middle school or high school life sciences.  I teach the physical sciences.  I wanted to be in northwestern Iowa.  I ended up in southeastern South Dakota.  I wanted to teach at a Christian school.  My beliefs about creation didn't line up with theirs' so I ended up in a public school.  I wanted to meet a guy in college.  Still single.

I have never had to pay bills before or figure out financial things at all before.  I had never had to get insurance of any sort before. I had never had to find a place to live or people to live with.  I have never made friends outside of school before.  I had never had to pick a church before.  I had never paid for more than one tank of gas in my life.  I had never had to change my licence plates. I had never changed my driver's licence. I have never made a curriculum that has lasted for a full school year.  I have never had to explain to a student that they are failing my class and need to take action and responsibility.  I have never had to justify my teaching decisions to students, teachers, and parents.  I have now done all of these things. I have figured them out, some more easily than others, and some through tears.  I definitely didn't do it all right the first time around, but I've learned.

I go to social events and always feel uncomfortable unless I'm with college friends.  I see highschoolers and I don't know if I should act like Miss Vander Veen or just be myself.  I have been involved with the youth group and feel accepted but I'm still guarded.  I want to be involved but I still am hesitant when the opportunity arises.  I've made friends but don't feel completely myself around them yet.  I have yet to meet more than 3 people my age yet alone a guy with good Christian morals.

Living independently in a completely foreign environment has greatly impacted my faith.  There have been times where I felt so alone and uncomfortable that I had to lean on Him and trust in His judgments and path for my life.  I have been in local parks with tears in my eyes taking walks with God and having some of the most sincere conversations with Him that I've ever had. I've yelled at God, and He's shown me His glorious plan.  He's given me friends and surrounded me with such caring people.  He has also shown me glimpses of the influence that I've had in my students' and coworker's lives. Through this experience I feel as though I have a real relationship with God.  We've had our bumps down the road but they have only strengthened my faith in Him.

It has been good, it has been hard, there have been tears and questioning God's decisions for my life but overall it has been enjoyable.  If I could go back and do it all again I would. I look forward to what next school year brings but man am I glad it's summer.

Here's just some of the tests I've graded over the past semester